I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
