what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
