I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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