my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
