I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
