I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
