Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
