Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
