so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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