i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
