I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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