Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
can u get pink eye on your cock?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
