thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
