I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
