Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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