We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
