I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
