I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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