just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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