It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You took a bar mat shot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
