I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
