It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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