do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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