Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
