Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
