she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
