Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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