I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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