her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
