a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
