Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize