She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
