I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
