i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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