If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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