I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize