Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
