How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
