i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
