That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
