genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
