Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
