omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
