So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
