well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
