Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
