TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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