I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
