so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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