my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
