she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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