it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
