i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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