Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
