we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize