I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
