I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
