ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
