I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
