Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
