any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize