My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
