Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
