The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
