I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
