i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
