I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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