wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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