You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
