I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
