In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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