Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
