Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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