So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
